okay, universe. i have decided that i would like a boyfriend. i want someone to sleep beside me. i want a standing weekend date with one man every weekend. the same one man. so that each weekend builds on the next and our knowing deepens with each other. it grows sweeter over time. i want song of solomon.

i think i am ready to soften my heart. lower my guard. a little bit. when the right kind of person comes along.

i've done a lot of thinking about the signs...how i will recongize him...and one of the first signs will be that his physical presence calms me. i will want to snuggle up beside him. it will feel natural to fall asleep with my head on his chest. it will soothe me to be near him.

the second sign will be that i receive from him as much as i give. his presence in my life will not deplete me in any way.

i will be able to trust him.

he will be smart, and quiet. he will make me laugh and laugh.

that's how it will all begin.

(it will feel uncomfortable. i have not experienced this before in my romantic relationship. i have always demanded that their presence stimulate me. i needed to "feel" them near me. i know now, however, that if i live beside someone again, it has to be with someone who is steady and predictable. even tempered and dependable.)

i have chosen that path...slow, steady and peaceful...for the rest of my time. i am ready to rest. so now i must face the dragon. that which has kept me nomadic. to turn and make home is more terrifying than the unknown. but i am tired. i am ready to stop running.