ryan graduated from high school on friday.

ryan
graduated
from
high school
on friday

i think i'm in perimenopause.

my emotions have been all over the map.

this wasn't supposed to happen to me. mortality wasn't supposed to happen to me. i was special. i was going to be raptured.

my biggest problems were going to be whether or not to get the mark of the beast, and how i would survive the anguish of armageddon.

but arthritis? the loss of tone in my face? bunions? reading glasses?

i am not prepared for these.

austin wants to stay close to paige, wherever she goes. they both welcome me, saying i can come along wherever they go...i am welcome in their lives and in their home...but they don't know where they're going to go, and if they change their minds they'll go somewhere else.

exactly where they should be at their age, and exactly what they should be doing.

so i realize...we are in the phase where i build a home for them to come back to.

but the daily life of dinners and laundry is coming to a close.

it chokes me with grief.

i keep thinking if i sit here and don't move nothing will change. we will all stay as we are.